regain focus.

going on 8 months of my new lifestyle change and i am definitely not where i was 4 months ago.  im still food journal, water chugging, and boot camping, but i am definitely not as strict as i've been in previous months.  this doesn't have to be a bad thing because i definitely haven't "fallen" off the wagon but i am not loosing like i was before and this isn't because of plateauing.  my cheat meals are turning into mini cheat meals throughout the day or a cheat breakfast and a cheat dinner on weekends.  weekends right now are my killer.  i have the weeks down perfect but the weekends is when i like to go out to eat, drink on patios, bbq with friends... socialize.  i need something to differ my weeks from my weekends.  summertime (a huge weakness) is a hard time for me because of all the social events that are taking place- mini/long vacations, BBQin' holidays, weddings, baby showers etc.  i really try to eat before i go but then i'll have a glass of wine (or two) and then i get snacky, so i grab for something to munch on (and usually there isn't something healthy). currently i am at my "goal weight" from when i started at CedarFIT but i am not where i want to be (body fat % or even visually).  i am not done yet.


i am also really going to try hard to give up all alcohol, at least till the wedding.  my trainer has made this suggestion to me before bc leptin is what is stimulated by cheat meals and alcohol interferes in the body's production.  i never took this on bc i felt like i was already so dedicated and took out so much already that i wanted to have something to look forward to on weekends or at my cheat meal.  well now i need to just try to eliminate it completely.  even just for 2 months.  to see what kind of impact it has on my weight loss process.  with no alcohol, going back to "strict", and having one cheat meal a week, i am ready to regain focus. 


i know what this takes, i know that i can do it, and i will do it.


cheers!

mental note.

this whole process is a working progress.

before my lifestyle changed, i didn't recognize everything that goes into loosing weight.  i simply thought about being thinner.  i didn't think about all the other components such as having to buy new clothes (from head to toe-outside and underneath), my patience being tested every single day, thinking about food more then i already did, planning more then i do on a daily basis, attempting to accept complements (never have been good at compliments).... i wasn't prepared for the psychological game.  of course i love all the physical effects of weight loss. i love fitting in clothes i have never fit in before or trying on my old size just to get more confirmation that i really have gone this far.  but now its time to deal with the psychological effects of the weight loss.

7.4.2011-6.1.2012

to be honest, when i look in the mirror i see me, the old me, the 30+ pounds ago me.  some mornings i wake up and i feel thinner but then i look in the mirror and i see old me- 7 months ago me. it immediately takes me to a bad place... a sad place.  a place where i feel like everything i have done has been worthless.  when i speak about these feelings to friends/family, they tell me i am crazy.  they are shocked that i dont see what they see.  but i dont.  sometimes i have to talk myself into thinking it instead of actually feeling it.  i have tried very hard to think of things that will help me SEE it intern helping me FEEL it.  thankful for apps- i recently decided to do side-by-side shots of myself... i have done a few so far and it really does help me SEE that there are results and everything i am putting into this is paying off!  but once i look away from the picture or after a few days of not seeing the picture i go right back into my unhealthy mental state. i really want to be positive and look up and forward.
i recently talked to one of my very best friends after a huge closet meltdown.  nothing fits.  yes, i know this is a good issue but then my meltdown goes even further bc i know that this is a good issue. i hate spending money. i used to hate shopping.  now i love shopping but still hate spending money. she suggested i set a side a realistic budget and get some new clothes.  clothes for now and worry about 2 months later.  she reminds me that of course i am not going to feel great when i'm still wearing an XtraLarge shirt when i should be wearing a Medium-Small.  sometimes i need these reminders.  from friends, strangers and even my family.  this is all called support and is sometimes hard to find.

first things first.

(a post written in my wedding blog- j'adore- about 3 months ago)


for the past year or so i have always been talking about wanting to get healthy, in shape, and shed some pounds.  november 28th 2011 i wrote about how i was at the point where i didn't know what to do anymore so i was going to join Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. about a week later or so a good friend of mine offered me a groupon that she had purchased but could not use.  i was very nervous to try it out because it was far from my comfort zone and seemed a bit intimidating... but thank God i did!  

CedarFIT has been life changing!  i signed up december 12th 2011 and have now been there almost 4 full months.  after the first month i was addicted:)  this is not just about the workouts/bootcamps... its also about the help and resources that i was given with my eating habits. i have learned so much about food in general.  reading the nutrition facts is easy but i was taught what the information actually means.  what to look out for, what to stay away from.  every month i am changing something about my diet because there is always room for change to get better results.  i have learned what percentages of protein, carbs, and fat i need to stay healthy, loose weight, gain muscle and to be able to do the workouts all over again the next day.

not only have i learned about types of exercises and nutrition but it has also really pushed me out of my comfort zone.  i am doing exercises that i thought i'd never be able to do; i am joining classes that i never thought i'd like; i am challenging myself more then i ever have (inside and outside of CedarFIT's doors); i am seeing results that i have tried to envision; i have accomplished personal goals and set more; and i have formed multiple friendships with different people across the board.  not only has CedarFIT help re-shape my body, but it also helped re-shape my life.  my lifestyle has done an entire 180 and it has all in a positive way.  i am stronger, more motivated, more confident and can manage stress better.

four month assessment: after daily food journaling, water chugging, and consecutive sweat dripping bootcamps and spin classes, i am proud to say that i have lost 5.5% body fat and about 15 pounds of fat are gone!  i never thought i'd have to buy an entire wardrobe in four months but its definitely looking that way.  

trust me this road has not been just rainbows and butterflies.  i have had many high and low points.  i have a pretty limited diet but trust me when i say i can make a killer turkey sandwich :)  there are times when i struggle with cravings and temptations, but thats where the 1 cheat meal a week comes in.  cheating is bittersweet for me... it tastes awesome while eating it but then i feel icky and guilty afterwards.  since i am such a thinker it's hard for me to pick what my cheat is going to be because i love food so much that i am always craving something!  seriously, i think about food about 95% of the day- what am i going to eat next, what am i craving, what is my next snack, what is my next cheat, etc.  

this whole journey has been a lot about planning.  planning my meals/snacks and workouts daily is helpful for me so i avoid cheating and skipping meals.  sometimes i want to go nuts and eat everything insight but after seeing the results, feeling the way i do about myself, and learning healthy ways, i know that i won't give up or go back to my old ways.  

this is a lifestyle change... this is the beginning of my new life.  this isn't just because i am getting married or because i want to look hot when we go on our honeymoon... this is because i needed and wanted to get healthy and feel more confident and i finally took action.  i am the only one who can control what i do for myself and it was time to do something positive and lifelong.  

healthy is the new skinny.

i have been contemplating this blog for months now but as my journey continues, i am constantly thinking and feeling things that i just need to write down.  maybe it will help you, maybe it will just be interesting to read... but i need to do this for me.


i currently have a wedding blog where i have jotted down a few things concerning my weight loss journey so i will attach the first entry in this blog so you can get an idea on how this all started. 


its been a very tough journey for me. i have a lot of support through friends and family but i also have been teased by them too... "why do you need to lose weight? how come you can't come out to dinner with us?  just cheat this one time. why are you being so strict with yourself? just have one bite." and it goes on and on.  you name it, i've heard it.  all those unwanted pressures have only pushed me harder at getting to my goals. i am achieving this for me, not for you or anyone else.  


i have never been "skinny".  always wanted to be but never was.  even at my "skinniest" i was still a bigger size for my height and age.  after the past 7 months i have learned that it isn't about being "skinny" its about being fit and being healthy.  

i am getting married October 20th 2012 to a wonderful man who has always loved me for me. some people say this is wedding dress motivated... no, life motivated me.  he is definitely the type of person who looks beyond the flesh.  i need to get married when i am happy with myself.  i need to love myself.  

cheers to sharing my journey with friends, family and strangers. cheers to my new leaning lifestyle.