learning to love myself.

today i had my monthly assessment at CedarFIT.  lets just say i know how to "maintain" my weight now.  its really hard because i am not physically at a place where i want to just "maintain", i still want to loose fat and gain lean muscle.  i'm currently in a personal predicament.  my first wedding dress fitting is this weekend.  my dress is already about 1-2 dress sizes too big (fit good when purchased in april) :) of course this is exciting news but it also leaves me in my predicament:

do i go back to very strict dieting and get my "mini honeymoon body" ready and deal with week of  alterations? or do i just maintain for the sake of my dress fitting and not changing entirely?  im afraid if i keep getting smaller i won't like the dress.  my body keeps changing into a body i've never had before so i picked this dress for my april body. (does this make sense!?) in my head, im thinking maintain bc my real "honeymoon body" doesn't need to be ready till may (for bora bora).  its hard because im not entirely happy with where i am at now even though i know i have changed.  but will i ever be completely happy with my body or my progress?  will my "problem areas" ever be less of a "problem area"?! maybe this wouldn't be such a problem if i saw what everyone else sees.  if the progress that people tell me about was in the forefront of my mind daily. to me, i need to see more gone.

today my best friend gave me advice that was exactly what i need to hear and need to remind myself daily.  

don't put pressure on yourself to be this image in your head. look at how far you've come! michael doesn't care what you consider your "honeymoon body". he loves you just the way you are.  if you keep focusing on what you aren't, then you'll forget to reward yourself for what you did accomplish.  you need to take every day at a time, and if you aren't in the ideal shape you want by your honeymoon than that's ok!  You're healthy, beautiful, and happy with a great guy and family.  focus on that.

she is completely 100% right.  i really need to learn to love myself, inside and out.  i need to take it a day at a time and enjoy my life and the lives around me. being so caught up with how i look or how much can/will i loose this month, isn't healthy.  the whole point of this new lifestyle is for me to become happier and healthier- mentally & physically.  this whole time i have been saying, "i'm doing this for me. not for the wedding. not for anyone else." so why all of a sudden should that change?

predicament solved.  i'm going to stay happy.  stay doing what i'm doing.  if thats maintaining then i'll be maintaining.  if i lose weight, then i'll lose weight. just going to be takin it one day at a time.